Back on My feet

Life has been treating me well, I'm very grateful to be
'up and running' again. My foot is almost completely healed, and I overcame a small bout of 'tummy problems'. I can once again walk normally. I'm very excited to be completely healed so that I can get back to exercising. I have also just returned from a small weekend trip to Myanmar which was both informative and fun; more on that later.

Driving remains one of the most fun but also stressful experiences in my daily life (sometimes more stress than the heat, dirt, and mosquitoes combined). Drivers will often veer without looking, slam on their brakes, take sharp turns without warning... Even when traffic is at a stand still, young drivers on motos will fly by, weaving between cars, at breakneck speeds without wearing a helmet. Driving in NYC or Boston is very relaxed in comparison.

I sometimes get so frustrated by the lack of driving conscientiousness that i slip into skinnerian fantasy. Teaching Cambodia to drive by whacking all unsafe driver with a stick, and rewarding the safe drivers (with a couple of riel, or a hug...). This is is obviously ridiculous, but its a good example of how unnerved i feel when forces outside of my control constantly threaten my livelihood.

I've been thinking a lot about 'Friendship'in Phnom Penh. I've actually found it much easier to relate to Khmer than foreigner here. Many foreigners tend to have a short shelf-life, meaning that they on only in PP for a matter of weeks or months. I'm all for appreciating what you have whilst you have it, but i don't often see it as a worthwhile investment of my time/ emotions to befriend somebody who will be gone in a matter of weeks. This impermanence of friendship leads to really interesting relationships. People here tend to have a 'fuck it' attitude towards relationships. Sometimes, I meet someone at a bar, restaurant, or event, fall into a really deep and prolonged conversation about life, emotions... only to say goodbye a couple of minutes later... very surreal. Others see completely uninterested in venturing outside of their comfort bubble and making new acquaintances. Either way Phnom Penh is full of very interesting non-committed friendships. I feel empathetic for my friends who've grown up in military/diplomatic families, being told not to make 'best friends' only acquaintances.

All of this is not to say that I haven't made any good friends, only that my disposition towards new people is more skeptical than my usual bonhomie approach. This is only complemented by the sketchiness of a good portion of the local expats. Some of these really irk me, enthusiastically extolling liberal/progressive values, while having no qualm with slandering Cambodian culture (allthewhile enjoying the comfort,dilatoriness (new word +1?) , and moral decay only afforded by being paid a foreigner's salary in a developing region).

My recent trip to Myanmar was a huge success. Having lived with a couple of Burmese guys, I thought i knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that Myanmar has a very controlling/paranoid military junta government, and that the Burmese enjoyed little freedom of speech. Upon arrival, I almost expected a morose dystopia, citizens worried about their every move. To the contrary, I found Myanmar and the Burmese to be a vibrant, daring, and ambitious. Despite the constant threat of plain-clothed spies (who permeate every pore of Burma life), people seemed to have a relaxed disposition towards life.

When comparing Yangon and Phnom Penh, I was struck by a number of interesting differences. While there is no public transportation in PP, the transportation system in Yangon seems much more functional: buses and trucks easy by busy corners, barely stopping. Drivers pop their heads out, screaming out upcoming destinations, and encouraging new passengers to get on. The only way to get around Phnom Penh is by your own car, moto, or bicycle, or by Tuk-Tuk.

Another obvious difference between Yangon and Phnom Penh, is the amount of advertising present. Apparently, billboards have only appeared in Cambodia during the last couple of years, on the other hand, Yangon seemed to be filled with aged advertisements from the late '80s and early '90s. Interestingly enough, as of 2010, alcohol and Tobacco ads will be outlawed in Myanmar; I wonder if the same will happen here...

As previously mentioned, Myanmar have a certain Joie De Vivre, which I do not find in Cambodia (this is obviously based on my extremely limited time in both countries). I could attribute this to the type of Buddhism (I find Myanmar Buddhism to be much more in tune with my own beliefs), but I think that their divergent histories are more relevant.

While Cambodia's economy has exploded (after recovering from the personal and infrastructural carnage of the US bombings and Khmer Rouge), Myanmar has been frozen in time by the Junta's vice-like grip on all sectors of political and economic life. I noticed the control there particularly with cars and cell-phones. While mobiles in Cambodia are very affordable (with 8 competing mobile companies), it costs over $1,500 just to get a phone working in Myanmar (non-inclusive of monthly service charges). The same price gap also applies to cars. I believe that while Cambodians have had all of the benefits of a rapidly developing capitalist economy, they haven't matured at an equivalent rate. This may be to the massive youth population (70% of the Cambodian population is under 30 years of age), but I believe that while Cambodia is maturing economically, many Cambodians seem very focused on materialistic acquisitions (motorcycles, nice cell phones, cool new hair styles). I really enjoyed the contrast in Myanmar where everybody drove funky cars from the 70's and wore relaxed and comfortable clothes. All of this is not to make a case for oppressive governments, if anything it serves as a case study of people's resilience.

Being in Cambodia during the holiday season is really stranger: I miss the smells and sights of Christmas. I miss that crisp feeling of cold air. I miss my family in friends.

My grandfather recently passed away. Although i was greatly saddened, I know that he died in the best of ways: in a comfortable bed surrounded by loving family (both physically and in thought). His death did not come as a huge shock: his health had been deteriorating for some time, and he lived a long and healthy life. I just wish I could have been there to say a last goodbye, and to comfort all of my family... Reading his obituaries, I was extremely impressed by all that he has accomplished, how dedicated he was to improving health care, regardless of what community he was involved with. Although he wasn't always forthcoming with affection, its clear that all his actions stemmed from love for both his family and community. It's stories like his, which should inspire us to overcome whatever challenges we face in our attempt to seek a better life for all... Robert Gage, you will be missed.

I know this post has been a bit of a disorganized rant, but just like my thoughts, life doesn't always come in tidy packages...

What Doesn't Kill you Makes you Stronger

Being that this is my first post, I guess some sort of introduction is required. i will be using this blog for a variety of purposes; both as a personal memory tool, and as a communicative medium for friends and family.

Overall, life in Phnom Penh has been treating me well: I'm enjoying my job, I've made good friends, my romance-quota is satisfied, and I've even taken a couple of short trips outside of the city (Siem Reap, Kampot-Kep- Rabbit island).

I recently had an unfortunate accident, which has slightly tarnished my otherwise enjoyable experience; A splash of cold reality-water to pull me out of my easy-living dream. I recently had an accident on my moto (read scooter, not motorcycle). I was driving down Sisowath Quay, One of the Penh's larger avenues which follows the Tonlesap River's curvature, when a police officer cut over from the opposite lane and slammed into me! He obviously was not looking where he was driving. I turned left very sharply in an attempt to avoid him, and he smashed into the right side of my bike. My old JIu-Jitsu skills came in handy when i was propelled off my bike, I absorbed most of the impact of my fall by rolling on my arm. I stood up immediately (because i was afraid of being pancaked by oncoming traffic), looking at my arms and only seeing moderate cuts, i felt lucky to still be in one piece. I picked up my moto and walked it over to the side of the road. Thats when I looked down at my right foot and realized i had a massive cut between my 'pinky'and 'ring' toe, to the point where my pinky was dangling off to the side.

At this point, I was in a state of shock, I couldn't even feel my injuries. I sat down on the side of the road, and had a couple moments of panic: who should I call? Where was the safe hospital? The crowds of locals circling around, speaking to me in Khmer (which i barely understand), were somewhat overwhelming. I cleared my head by taking a couple of deep breaths, and called my trusty coworker Ramady. I then gave a local lady some money to go get me gauze and some sort of colorful cleaning solution (this transaction took place via the medium of highly animated gestures). She returned within minutes, I cleaned and wrapped up my wounds, pulling my toe back towards my foot in hopes of remaining decaphalangeous (Jesse's New Word English dictionary + 1). At this point, I started to calm down from the shock and everything started to hurt. Soon enough my friends arrived, I hobbled into their car, bowing graciously to the crowd of supportive onlookers, muttering a "awh Ghun" (thank you in Khmer) to the best of my ability.

From there i was brought to Naga Clinic, a small but clean clinic with an emergency room, french and khmer doctors... Prognosis: 1 fractured Pinky toe and one big cut on my foot. I received six stitches on that foot.

The hardest part of the whole experience was having to stay home for a week. My apartment is small, hot and dirty. usually this is fine (as i spend little time there) but I was forced to stay indoors for a week. Because I was in bed sweating all day, I developed minor heat rash all over my body (leading to lots of itchiness). Although I was not bothered too much by foot pain, I was a little anxious over the possibility of an infection (very common in dirty, hot, humid Cambodia). I was put on a number of anti biotics. Another problem is my energy level, I don't like to be still. All day I wanted to move and jump around, but felt that was not the wisest path...

Good News! i have now returned to work! the doctors are no longer concerned over infection, they are just helping my foot to heal. Once my stitches are removed, they will begin focusing on repairing my broken toe. People around the office seem to be quite amused by my high speed hopping/skipping.

Socrates once said: "The unexamined life is not worth living". Because these crappy experiences are a part of life, I feel motivated to ponder them and possibly learn something.

One thing I certainly learned about myself is that I value my sense of agency above my need for heatlh. When I sat at home for a week, I wasn't so much bothered by the foot pain as the boredom. I felt an intense longing to leave the apartment, enjoy some sunlight and chat with friends. When I imagine future possible injuries, I'm more worried about lost time than lost toes.

Furthermore, I was once again reminded of how unappreciative I am (we all are). During my daily life, I sometimes worry about petty little problems. Even though I often think about how lucky I am, Its still easy to forget all the things which I take for granted. All it takes is one little accident serves to remind me to appreciate the little things, walking, running, sunlight, being able to go to work. During my busy day I am rarely thoughtful enough to be thankful for these things. Lesson learned (hopefully).

Also, I learned riding a moto in flip-flops is a bad idea...